The Foxy Warrior and other Brightonians, from the Countess Diaries

The feast of risotto at the abode of my dear friend Lady Emily Sarah of the Wrights, turned into an evening of great entertainment.


Firstly and somewhat unexpectedly, was the arrival of the Foxy Warrior somewhat worse for the wine that she had purchased that afternoon. The Foxy one had been on a mission to the Latest Music Bar to demand the return of her boots and other garbs that had been worn during her stint as the showgirl for Elvis Presley

Sadly the clothing seems to have been hijacked and we are losing hope.....the borough as you know is built on the energy of strange souls many of whom would not normally have easy access to such exciting attire. I will endeavour of course to have the items returned safely but realistically I am not hopeful although the Foxy one remains to this day like a terrier with a rat on the issue!

Now, later, Foxy having left for more interesting adventures it seems, we welcomed Martin of the Middletons and Sir Andrew of Cooks and Portsmouth. We chatted well enough and listened to music of a vintage feel. Sometime later the Lady Emily however embarked on proposals beyond the acceptance of a Countess. In fact, I was unsure what a foursome actually was and I was home steadfast to ask of Della a definition.


I have since found out that a foursome usually means a group of four ready for the game of bridge. I know that the Lady Emily would die rather than play bridge, she is of a more adventurous and modern disposition. And so it was clear that the Lady must have been referring to a quartet of musicians for I know that she is experienced in the viola and that the Countess is experienced in the cello and that probably the gentleman concerned play with their organs when the opportunity arises.

Anyway, I was not for staying as the night had taken its toll upon one's constitution and my physician had begged me take things at a more restful pace. I was homeward to the Palace and left them to the possibility of a threesome.

On the following Monday I was to receive cake from my child, the Duchy of Cake and Ice Ice Baby.....not before time I might add for I have waited many weeks for such a delivery. The cakes were indeed most pleasant and similar ones are available at the Buttercream Bakery here in Brighton at a very reasonable price.


Later in the afternoon I was to the Bar With No Name sometimes known as Bradshaws. The proprietor, a very handsome gentleman for overseas, Sir Nick, had gallantly agreed to host the first episode of Come Dine With Me on the fourth Channel of contemporary television, which of course had hosted the Countess several months prior with her most celebrated and glorious culinary delights.

Sir Peter Jarrette and his dear wife, Lady Karin of Germany, the Lady Pembleton-Fraser, the Foxy Warrior, Princess Patsy, Jono of Eire, Sir Colin of Hove attended along with many others. We were treated to the finest Champagne and strawberries and the day was blessed with much amusement due to the wonder of television and the festivities therein.

Later, the Foxy one adopted the fetal position to sleep on a most comfortable chair at the establishment, and as Sir Peter was available to me as a more than suitable chaperon, we were off to the town for more merriment, safe in the knowledge that the Foxy one can quite look after herself.

By Tuesday my physician was in despair for I was promised to civic duties at the Club of Cowley midweek. Lex of Angels was to celebrate a birthday there too and Sir Eccles Zappour accompanied me to a viewing of a documentary about a band of political activists called Crass. The evening started in relative quiet but Sir Eccles and I were to experience vodka sampling aplenty and to make way to town for another birthday celebration......a colleague of Lisa of the Montagues, Lady Peggy.

At the Kitchen Castle, a bijou inn with much atmosphere and dancing, I was introduced to a gentleman of unorthodox demeanor who took to entertaining the Countess with great energy. He was named Lord Nick of Penetration as he is involved in the piercings and tattooing of the body, indeed he owns an establishment in the borough.

I was under some confusion however as several individuals referred to him as Prince Albert and I was not to understand this dual title.




First Published on

9/7/10 7:56 PM

© 2020 Sarnia de la Maré



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